Earlier this year I walked away from my job as an assistant director/EL1 in the Australian Public Service. It was a great job, in a fabulous and exciting location. The work was interesting and challenging (some days more than others), and the pay was really decent. The people I worked with were a great bunch, too. I also felt confident and competent in the role (again, some days more than others) and I was getting really positive feedback on my work. Plus, because of my somewhat irregular work hours that were driven by parliamentary sitting hours, my awesome husband had everything on the home front under control (most of the time).
So, what made me walk away? That old chestnut: work/life balance. I didn’t really have it and it was hurting me (literally, both physically and mentally) and my family. I’m very happily married with two school-aged daughters and I was missing out on what the most important things are in my life: family, friends and health. Plus, from the sometimes-long hours of sitting at my desk and not exercising regularly enough, I’d damaged my sciatic nerve, so I was not a happy camper.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t do the job, it was that I just didn’t want to anymore for all those reasons, and maybe a few more. I spent a long time grappling with lots of emotions and had so many thoughts running through my head: the guilt of letting my team and my managers down, the fact that my excellent salary would be no more, that I wasn’t sure what was coming next in the way of work and, of course, wondering how people would judge me and what they’d say behind my back about why I chose to walk away from my job. There was also the thought that I was a bad role model for my kids because I walked away when things got too hard.
In the end, I was able to rationalise all these things and stopped feeling guilty about letting others down and stopped worrying about what others thought about me. I needed to do this for me and my family. And the role model thing, I rationalised that by letting my kids know what was happening and by letting them know that sometimes it’s okay to just walk away, whether it be for safety reasons, health reasons or just because things are just too hard or too scary.
I want my girls to realise that, ‘Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is courage. Walking away, with your head held high is dignity.’ And, ‘Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value, but because we realise our own.’
So, after many discussions with my patient, rational and caring husband, my sister/quasi-coach and my very supportive mangers, I handed in my notice. I stopped apologising to everyone and stopped agonising over it. I just did it.
I was so pleasantly surprised by the comments from work colleagues and others. Things like: ‘Well done.’ ‘That’s so courageous.’ ‘Enjoy your kids.’ ‘You’re doing exactly the right thing.’ ‘Wow, maybe I could do that, too.’ I was so relieved. I walked away with my head held high.
I miss my work colleagues, I sometimes miss the challenge and the excitement of my job, and I miss my pay. But, I don’t miss not seeing my family and my friends more regularly and I don’t miss feeling so unhealthy.
After a bit of a break, I was very fortunate to be put in touch with Ursula Kohler, Managing Director of Capital EA. I’m now a Client Service Manager at Capital EA and loving it! I sometimes work virtually from my home office and I sometimes work at the beautiful office. Working with Ursula and the team is awesome. Ursula is an inspiration. The work is dynamic, interesting and challenging. The role also offers great flexibility.
My most important things – family, friends and health are now front and centre in my life.
I walked away and it all worked out okay!
